aybe it is working…
I am seeing “legacy” define itself, replacing my pre-conceptions.
Turns out it happens more in real time than I allowed for.
Our older three children are separated by 17 and 19 months, collectively three years. Our 4th, and youngest, will turn two years old this summer.The gap between the third and fourth kid? Five years. Raising the youngest is a completely different experience.
The first four years Kelsey and I were married were a whirlwind. Not dinners out and weekend getaways whirlwind, more figure out how to live together, raise one, then two, then three kids, and throw in a move to a new town, culture, and all-around way of life. We loved those four years, and looking back cherish the memories, but would be remiss to leave out “we were hanging on” to a roller coaster ride description to the conversation.
Life is waaaaay different now. Kelsey and I are 10 years into our marriage (including two great rounds through this marriage class), dependent toddlers have grown into helpful older siblings, and though we continue to make significant life changes, we a have a decade of experience and lessons pacing us now.
One of the results is that we have a few more free minutes to just sit and watch.
In the last week this is what I have seen from our oldest son; he got out of bed at 3AM to sing his brother back to sleep to “Jesus Loves Me”. He borrowed a friend’s “cool MX bike, the kind with a motorcycle seat” and started riding around the yard with his little brother skillfully tucked in front of him (causing his Mom to shiver…and Dad to smile), and he grabbed his little brother’s hand and guided him down Main Street and the annual car show. I never asked him to do these things…or did I?
I have sung, however horribly, all of my kids to sleep as infants and toddlers…same song. Many days driving up our hill I have stopped and let all of the kids, mine and the neighborhood kids, pile into the truck for a trip around the block, usually with one of mine safely in my lap, “driving” the truck. This year was our 6th car show, walked each one of the kids through the crowds and “full sized toys” from year to year.
Yes, there are also the words, looks, and attitudes that I have unintentionally asked of them, the lessons that I have to recognize and find ways to undo. But that is a different discussion for different day.
Today it is about seeing and reassurance from my oldest boy. Seeing something, a few things, that may one day produce character; loving patience, teaching others, and watching out for others…singing, riding, walking.
Watching my oldest boy live out hints of these traits produces emotion enough to draw tears of joy, pride and frankly most prevalent, relief. Watching my son, already beginning to pass on what he knows to his youngest brother, produces emotions requiring me to leave the room to gather myself.
Seeing and reassurance…
I love reading these again and again.