onfession: I get bored playing with my kids, playing their games, staying inside their imagination and world. My attention span is often shorter than theirs. Or...
There are legitimate reasons. As a provider I have to work, there are bills to pay and responsibilities to fulfill. This is complicated because I work from home (ample opportunity for “Dad, can we…?”), but realities, nonetheless, and solid lessons for my kids to observe and learn from. There’s also this, as a small business owner, and older dad, “I am tired” is increasingly a reality (sigh!).
Then there are the excuses: when, “I have to work” really translates, “I just don’t want to right now”. Or when, “I am tired” is in truth, “I am selfish and choosing me over you right now”.
…these can be the absolute best times and truest example of being in my kids world”
Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my kids. There’s a time to work and there’s a time to play. My confession is about being honest; the “play time” that I spend with my kids is usually on my terms when it should be on theirs.
A friend once shared the following about spending time with his grandchildren:
“Get down on their level, on the floor, eye to eye. Play their games until they are done playing, not until you are done.” – Mike MacIntosh (paraphrased)
It’s funny I remember this advice because it was said years before I married and a decade before becoming a parent. But it rang with wisdom in a remember it’s about them way, and this matters, tuck it away for the future; so much so that I must have stored the advice away until recently recalling it.
So, this is the weakness, what do I do about about it?
I’m certain this isn’t an only me thing; I truly want to hear from those who also struggle in this area…how do you handle this? What specific and intentional ways do you employ to be a kid with your kids? Please Comment Below!
I do realize there are a few helpful ideas to keep front and center:
- Win/Win – “Shared Fun”: My kids want to spend time with me…it’s the time not the activity that is foremost. I know, not a revelation. But it reminds me that starting with an activity we both enjoy can help me focus on them longer. Biking, hiking, building Lego towns, all activities that my kids enjoy as much as I do, activities that will help me play until my kids are filled up with Daddy time.
- The Trump Card (as in the card game and not a political endorsement) – “One on one”: Along the lines of “Shared Fun”, spending individual time with each kid is a guaranteed home run. Skipping rocks on the river is elevated to amusement park trip fun when it’s one on one.
- The Calvinball exception – “Extend some grace” (to me!): I like rules. I like knowing how to play the game. So when “…all games turn into Calvinball” it’s OK to, sometimes, take a seat on the bench. Then again, these can be the absolute best times and truest example of being in my kids world.
…and yes, the very fact I’m writing this shows I’m too “adult” about hangin’ with my kids. I get it. But I also get that this is too important not to recognize, and try to strengthen my weakness. Getting down on the living room floor and building Legos with my kids has an expiration date on it. They want me in their world and I want to stay there as long as invited!
